Innovations and Elaborations in Internal Family Systems Therapy by Martha Sweezy & Ellen L. Ziskind

Author:Martha Sweezy & Ellen L. Ziskind [Sweezy, Martha & Ziskind, Ellen L.]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781138024380
Google: z-F0rgEACAAJ
Publisher: Routledge
Published: 2016-09-16T00:03:21.523523+00:00

Time Passes

Liza stared out my office window at the rain.

“How have you been?” I asked.

She turned to me with a sigh. “Flat. Now that I’m not going to the hospital any more I could get back to the gym or take a course—or even write that damn novel that my writing part has been twittering about for 30 years!”

She smiled and I smiled back, familiar with her inner writer and its persistent dream.

“But I don’t have the energy,” she went on. “I don’t care. Am I depressed? I lie awake at night and feel like a zombie all day. I miss Dad!” Tears began to stream down her cheeks. “I miss him so much! He was there for me. He had my back no matter what. Even when I made poor choices, which lord knows I have.” She blew her nose. “Even when I didn’t know what I was doing my father always respected and trusted me.” She blew her nose again. “Now that he’s gone it feels like… no one will ever love me that way again.”

I met her gaze and nodded, aware of a heaviness in my chest. “Missing him is painful,” I said.

She looked out the window, “It’s so painful.”

We sat in silence. When she finally looked at me again I could tell that another part had taken over.

“You know what really pisses me off?” she asked.

I raised my eyebrows.

“My husband doesn’t get it. He loved Dad, too. And now he’s all What’s done is done; your dad had a good run. And I’m like what the fuck? My father did so much for Alan, among others, and he gets summed up with five words? It makes me want to smack him.”

“Sounds like Alan’s not there the way you want him to be right now,” I said.

“He’s not!” Then softening she went on, “I wish he were more like Dad. Dad’s message was always You’re fine. I don’t want to change you. No questions asked. For me, I think that’s gone now forever.”

Liza put her head in her hands and sobbed, and I felt honored to hold space for her grieving parts. In this session Liza spoke first of having no energy, which is common in bereavement, and then wondered if she was depressed. Andrew Solomon (2002) wrote, “The opposite of depression is not happiness, but vitality,” (p. 443). Since vitality is usually absent for a time during bereavement, Liza was not alone in wondering if she was feeling depressed. But since answering her question at that moment would have taken her out of grieving, I chose to mirror her feelings and stay open and present with the parts who showed up.

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